The Savage Curtain: Vampire Edition
by bookdragon01
Summary: What happens when an unlikely alternate timeline intersects with an even more unlikely alternate history? ST:2009 X Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.


**The Savage Curtain: Vampire Edition**

**Summary:** _What happens when an unlikely alternate timeline intersects with an even more unlikely alternate history? ST:2009 X Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter_.

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own or profit from Star Trek and (despite what some of my fics may lead you to believe) I've never been high enough to come up with a concept like combining Abraham Lincoln with Buffy and Dean Winchester._

* * *

.

In the fading light of dusk, Kirk sat next to Spock sharpening staves while an unbelievably believable facsimile of Abraham Lincoln worked on another piece of wood nearby.

It was still a little hard to believe. Although, given that they'd been kidnapped to stage a morality play for rock creatures on a planet with a surface covered by molten lava - except for this one little patch that had suddenly become earth-like - whittling weapons with Abe Lincoln was the least surreal part of the situation. In fact, if Scotty hadn't sounded so completely real while warning that the engines were going to explode, Jim would've been tempted to write this whole thing off as the sort of weird dream you'd expect from combining plomeek soup, haggis and borscht at ethnic cuisine night (either way, he was never doing that again).

However, if the ship was in danger, there was no choice but to play along. The rock creatures wanted to watch a drama to learn about the concept of good vs. evil, and apparently just downloading any of the millions of good vs. evil holodramas in the ship's computer simply wouldn't do. They wanted a live demonstration. So they'd lured Kirk and Spock to the surface and created the rest of the cast from scanning their minds. On 'Team Evil' were Genghis Khan, Colonel Green, Kahless and Zora. Abe Lincoln and Vulcan's Founding Father, Surak, had been created to join Kirk and Spock on 'Team Good'. Jim couldn't help feel a little cheated - if you were going to set up combat-based battle of good vs. evil, putting a devout pacifist on the side of good created a bit of a disadvantage.

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a scream, followed by a cry of "Help me, Spock! Spock, help me!"

Colonel Green's voice called out from the same direction. "Mister Spock, your friend seems to be hurt." There was a pause to allow another pain-filled plea for help. "You can't let him suffer."

Spock raised an affronted eyebrow. "They are trying to goad us into attacking, Captain. They expect this to provoke us to rash action."

Duh. But knowing that didn't make listening to it any easier. Jim clenched his teeth at the next agonized scream. "Monsters. I never should have let him go."

"You had no choice, Captain. He was aware of what he was walking into and you could not have stopped him." With that, Spock returned to calmly sharpening sticks as more horrifying cries split the air.

If Bones were here, he'd have had a fit. It was beginning to get to Jim too. "How can you ignore that?"

"I am not insensitive to it, Captain," Spock replied evenly. "However, a Vulcan would not cry out so."

He had a point, but those cries were sending chills up Kirk's spine. "Maybe, Spock, but you saw those fangs on Zora. We can't just leave him there."

"Captain, that is what they are waiting for," Spock stated as though lecturing an over-eager cadet. "They want us to attempt a rescue."

"Perhaps they do, gentlemen," Lincoln put in. "And I suggest that we do what they want."

Huh? Kirk's eyebrows jumped almost as high as Spock's.

"Not the way they want it, however," Lincoln continued. "First, we must convince them that they have provoked us to recklessness. James, I do not mean to presume upon your authority, but I have some experience in these matters."

This Lincoln had been formed from Jim's own mental image of the man, so he could hardly disagree. "What do you propose, sir?"

"What I propose is that I circle around to their rear while you two provide a frontal assault. We fight on their level - with trickery, brutality, finality. We match their evil. I know I was reputed to be a gentle man, but I was Commander in Chief during the four bloodiest years of my country's history. I gave orders that sent a over hundred thousand men to their death at the hands of their brothers." Lincoln stood, brushing the dust from his jacket. "And did other harsh, but necessary, things as well..."

And he'd been killed for doing them. "I can't let you risk it, Mister President."

"I'm no longer president, James." A small smile creased Abe's face. And iIf you recall, I was something of a backwoodsman. I doubt that you could do what I was bred to." He drew a slab of metal from within his long coat and fixed it to the shaft he'd been working. "Or what I spent a lifetime doing."

There was no arguing with that either. Kirk bowed his head. "Your campaign, Mister President."

"Good. Give me a few moments to get into place. Make your diversion sufficiently violent to cover what I do." Lincoln swung his newly assembled axe, making the silver edge glint red in the last light from the setting sun. "Keep some stakes ready in case any of them flee in your direction."

They watched as the greatest, or at least most legendary, President of the United States slipped into the surrounding hills.

Finally, Kirk released a slow breath and Spock gave him a look as close to sympathetic as Vulcan propriety would allow.

"I understand. President Lincoln was a personal hero to you." An eyebrow tilted upward. "We can only hope that your favorite 'cult film' representation of him will prove efficacious in this context."

"If you're right about the Excalbians creating all this out of my own thoughts, I believe it will." Kirk cracked a slow grin. "Like I said, you saw those fangs on Zora..."

* * *

_AN: Not exactly my usual 4th of July entry, but, hey, there is a famous US President in it. ;D_

_I haven't even seen Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but after seeing the trailer I immediately thought of Lincoln in TOS: 'The Savage Curtain'. (Yes, I am a hopeless Trekkie). This is reworked from a scene in that episode and uses a few bits of the original dialogue.  
_

_Anyway, the plot bunny here had big, nasty sharp teeth, so I had write this.  
_

_Like it? Hate it? Please read & review._


End file.
